You talk every day.
You have met his friends. You have been to his house. He introduces you as “my person” but never as his girlfriend.
You have been here for eight months and somehow the conversation about what this actually is has never happened.
If this sounds familiar, you may be in a situationship.
A situationship is not a relationship. It is not a talking stage either. It is the uncomfortable space in between — where everything feels like a relationship but nothing has been defined, agreed, or committed to.
And it is more common in Nigeria than people want to admit.
Here are the signs you are in one.
There is no clear definition
You have never had the conversation. Not because it has not crossed your mind — it has crossed your mind many times. But every time you get close to bringing it up, something stops you.
Fear of rocking the boat. Fear of what the answer might be. Fear of losing what you have, even if what you have is confusing you.
The absence of definition is not an accident. It is a choice one or both of you are making, whether consciously or not.
The relationship exists mostly in private
He is warm, attentive, and present when you are together. But in public settings, something shifts.
You are not introduced clearly. You are not acknowledged on social media. His family does not know you exist, even after a year.
What happens in private is not the full picture of a relationship. A man or woman who is serious about you will not keep you a secret.
Plans never go beyond the near future
Situationships are short-term by nature, even when they last for years.
The conversations stay surface-level. Future plans are vague. Nobody is talking about where this is going, what you are building, or what the next twelve months look like together.
Every time you try to introduce depth, the topic changes.
You feel confused more than you feel secure
A relationship should give you a baseline of peace.
Not perfection. Not absence of conflict. But a settled knowing of where you stand and who you are to each other.
If you spend more time analysing his behaviour than enjoying his presence, something is off. Confusion is not a personality trait of healthy relationships. It is a symptom.
You are doing relationship work without relationship commitment
You are emotionally invested. You are making decisions based on him. You have turned down other people. You are showing up fully.
But the commitment has not been spoken, agreed, or honoured by both parties.
This is the most painful part of a situationship. You are giving relationship energy to something that has not agreed to be a relationship.
What do you do with this?
The first step is clarity — not about him, but about yourself.
What do you actually want? What have you been tolerating and calling patience? What conversation have you been avoiding and calling peace?
You cannot make a good decision about another person until you are clear about what you need.
A situationship does not always mean the other person is a bad person. But it does mean the current arrangement is not giving you what you deserve.
You do not have a love problem. You have a clarity problem.
And clarity, unlike feelings, is something you can actually work on.
About the Author
Jo-Jean Imoh-Ita is a Certified Relationship and Marriage Coach and Relationship Clarity Strategist. She is the founder of Soothing Solutions Ltd and RFC Academy, and has coached over 150 clients across Nigeria and the diaspora. Her work helps career-driven Nigerian singles choose partners with clarity, not just feelings. Learn more at jojeanimohita.com.
